sleepy!

The last day of inter iit. Wasn't as bad as I had expected it to be. Had an amazing time. Flirted arbitly, made cute friends, and chatted away to glory with even the most boring of people!

Tomorrow comes delhi. Won't move around much. Don't have any appointments, so will just chill. Saxena's home means good food, for one thing. :)

Blogging in a comp room can be tough. Miss the music, and the wonderfully relaxed feeling.

Am all arbit. I was wondering how people judge themselves. I have come to know of the hidest looking fat pot bellied huge guy trying for a cute looking gal in our contingent! The girl simply runs away at the very sight of him.

Important events:

1/ A record! even I can't break it next year. That's because mostly this will be my last inter iit.

2/ Or maybe, I will.

3/ Have broken hostel rules 3 times by turning up late at night. 10 pm is the deadline. Some life!

4/ Have shouted n cheered hoarse at every baddy n baski match!

I am terribly happy!

Black

It's all pitch black out there. A road leading to my goal, surrounded by darkness. I listen to this song, I feel like I am running away from everything, towards nothingness. How wonderfully we associate some songs to certain things, and every time we hear it, we re-live that situation. Brings back dormant memories.

I was listening to it on my way up and down the sameer hill road. The time, that time. Walks. Accident. Meeting people, on whom I had long given up. Thankless evening. Thankless night. A time wasted meaninglessly, this was what I felt when I finally came back, late at night. How do you feel when you give it so much, you attach so much, irrespective of other commitments, and the thanks and kisses are gloriously blown away specifically to others? Cheated? It's not new, neither the incident nor the person's capability. I smile. Feel like just saying, Fuck Off. I undo in my mind whatever was done, and I try to assign random arbitness to the order that existed. Successfully, to a large extent. Why assign meanings to things and people, when it's not even worth the thought?

Whatever is, is for the better.

I am on the outside

A state of blissful existence. Causes explained, arguments settled, things unsaid, unspoken are gestured meaningfully. And I am happy to get out of everything.

Do people really need to talk. Yeah, lazy people like me would like to get the meaning without uttering a word. But that is taking the silence a bit too far. Speak out everything to be on the safer side. This will prevent misunderstandings. This also means I better say out everything, clearly in words. Hmm..

Right now. I am angry. We lost in the doubles.

Right now. I am happy, things moving finally.

The dawn of realization

This is the end
Beautiful friend

And the fundamental question?

Why do I keep creating blogs? Change. I get easily bored with what is, with what exists. My mom easily believes that I can't ever settle down, and is quite apprehensive about the consequences!

Been there. Done that. Got bored.

It's a constantly changing world, a network of threads breaking and re-joining the different and the like. And sometimes, they re-connect with old threads. Then it makes you think, and makes you easily believe in coincidences and in a supreme something powering it's way through our lives. Sometimes it's repetitive, sometimes it's a deja vu.

Past few days, I have realized that I am more unemotional than I thought myself to be, more egoistic than I could contemplate rationally, more selfish than what people think me to be. And this being me, I am happy with the discovery.

In the moment

Things fall into their respective places, eventually. What have I been searching for? The answer is there, all for me to see and accept.

After a whole night of deliberation, discussion, and dissuasion, I realized this is finally what I wanted. I was already having what I wanted, and to realize this, I had to take a step forward, and come back. It all falls into its place. I am done with all that was taking me away from myself. I realized that finally it is myself I want to be with.

There is no such thing called love. You can love just about anyone. There is a thing called infatuation, but once being there, it won't happen again. There is no such thing as attachment. It's all about individual happiness, and you call it emotional attachment when both people mutually benefit by bending the other's way. Love and relationships are all about convenience, satisfaction and benefit. But then, so is everything in life.

There is so much to look forward to, like the morning walk by the lakeside, like the walk on wet sand by the sea. Sometimes, leave the people out of the picture and the picture is just perfect. I feel just too happy to sit back and dig out mistakes, too busy with myself to run after other people's secrets, too indifferent to wait for things to be uttered.